No, Daniel Cabrera didn't go head-hunting again against the Red Sox. No, brushbacks thrown by Josh Beckett didn't empty the benches. The violence at Camden Yards on Friday night had little to do with the 13-inning Red Sox win over the Orioles. Thank $6 college student night in the left field upper deck. Section 378 turned into a war zone as Orioles faithful clashed repeatedly with visitors from Red Sox Nation. From the first pitch at 7:05 until the game ended just before midnight, a motley assortment of partisan rooters waged war all around me.
This is their story.
Round 1: Male-Female Couple in Red Sox Gear vs. Orange Clad Baltimore Local
The game started badly for the Orioles. Before the birds came to bat in the bottom of the first, Daniel Cabrera had already surrendered 2 runs on several hard smashes out of the reach of left-fielder Luke Scott. The natives got restless. Urged onward and upward by the good folks of the Coors, Miller, and Budweiser Brewing Companies, a group of patrons of Section 378 began verbal jousts with a pair of Red Sox fans seated in Row AA (the front row). One puffy partisan in Orange approached the Red Sox rooters and began hurling an acid stream of profane invective at the male in the pair. Leaning in as if to nibble on the gentleman's ear, the Oriole fan accused the Sox fan of performing anatomically impossible acts upon himself, David Ortiz, and, oddly enough, sheep. The listener endured the barrage admirably for several innings before the proverbial patience dam burst. Rising to his feet between his seat and the shallow railing, the Sox fan shouted an oath and toppled the pudgy pugilist with a mighty shove. Arms and legs attached to the flabby orange covered body flailed upward and the antagonist tumbled over his seat. Rising to defend the honor of his friend, a black-clad Orioles stalwart lurched towards the enemy combatant only to also be sent sprawling in the narrow gap between seats and railing.
Enter the stadium staff. The puffy fan in orange was the first to receive the heave-ho. In a show of civic participation, the Oriole partisans in the section began an immediate campaign of chanting and pointing at the Red Sox fan in order to secure justice. Responding to the popular pleas, the staff soon removed the Sox fan as well. In a bizarre twist, his girlfriend eschewed following the new martyr out of the park, instead opting to exit the section via another set of stairs.
Round 2: Girl in Green vs. Section 378.
She had exposed herself repeatedly while climbing back and forth over the front row seats in the early innings. Her jean skirt wasn't quite long enough to prevent a couple Brittney Spears moments. Her green t-shirt had "Green Monstah" emblazoned across the chest. By the middle of the game, her ability to construct complete sentences had been hopelessly drowned in a river of $7 Oriole Park beers. Moving into the Row AA seats vacated by the fallen heroes, the girl in green waged war on the Orioles rooters. Firing middle fingers into the air with the deftness of John Wayne shooting pistols in a gun fight, our friend drew the ire of much of section 378.
Angered Baltimore fans swarmed around the girl. Accusations of lewd behavior filled the evening air. A fan with his face covered in copious amounts of poorly applied mascara went in for the kill. Shouting and poking ensued as the girl battled mascara man and the fellow to her left who, thanks to an overdose of liquid courage, had a clear penchant for humping the air around the safety railing. The gentleman companion of the girl in green attempted to calm her ravings to no avail. Unaware of her actions, she proceeded to swipe the hat of a nearby fan, adorning her curly hair with a white Orioles cap. She moved down the row, trading insults and taking swings at another set of Baltimore fans further down in row BB. Returning to her seat and continuing to rant incoherently and brandish "the bird" our friend in green was shown to the exit by 2 of Baltimore's Finest. Her male friend followed sadly behind.
Round 3: Section 378 vs. "The Nerds"
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy warns readers that the 13th inning is a little late for fans to wave homemade signs in the air. In the top of the 13th, 3 Orioles errors gifted the visitors with a 5-2 lead. The sudden change in scoreboard fortunes emboldened a group of Red Sox fans in section 376. Enraged by their teams poor play and the brazenness of the Sox fans in the neighboring section, the Orioles fans of 378 responded with force. Row CC launched a long-range barrage of shouts of "nerd!" Councils of war convened to plot strategy for the destruction of the offending signs.
In the trenches of the stairs between the warring sections, the battle escalated. An Oriole rooter suddenly lunged for a vocal Boston fan, seized the man's hat and hurled it over the safety railing into the lower deck. The beleaguered usher tasked with the supervision of Section 378 rushed to intervene. Thanks to his timely mediation, violence was averted. Jonathon Papelbon's arsenal of pitches made short work of the deflated Orioles in the bottom of the 13th and the combatants rushed to the exits. The war was suddenly over. The tapestry of profanity and abusive language woven by the warring parties was seen drifting eastward from the left field stands towards the B&O Warehouse.
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